Apocolocyntosis Sect. 9

At last it came into Jove's mind, that, with the private citizens delaying in the Curia, the senators not be allowed to give their opinion nor debate. "Honorable senators," he said, "I had given you permission to ask, you have made pure shambles of things. I want you to save the discipline of the Curia. This man, whatever sort he is, what has he reckoned about us?" With that man dismissed Father Janus was asked his opinion first. He had been designated afternoon consul on the Kalends of July, a man who, however far his own path goes, always sees both forwards and backwards at the same time. He spoke in such great discourse, because he lived in the Forum, that the secretary was not able to follow and therefore I cannot relate, lest I put down in other words what was said by him. He said many things about the greatness of the gods: that this honor ought not be given to the masses. "Once," he said, "it was a great thing to become a god: now you have made a Bean farce. And so, lest I should seem to speak against his person and not against this situation, I vote that no one after this day may be made a god from these people, who eat the fruit of the soil or from these, who nourish the grain-giving soil. Any who will have been made, depicted, or said to be a god contrary to this decree of the senate, may he be given to the hobgoblins and at the next show it is pleasing to flog him with canes among the new gladiators." Next Diespiter was asked his opinion, the son of Vica Pota, and himself a designated consul, a little money-changer. He sustained himself in this business: he was accustomed to sell little citizenship perks. Hercules came pretty close to him and touched his earlobe. and so in these words he elected: "Since Divine Claudius touches even the Divine Augustus in blood and no less his grandmother the Divine Augusta, whom he himself ordered to be deified, and since for a long time surpassed all mortals in wisdom and since it is the opinion of the Republic that there be someone who can 'devour burning radishes' with Romulus, I vote that Divine Claudius be thusly made a god from this day as any before him has been made on in better judgement, and that this matter be added to the Metamorphoses of Ovid." There were many opinions, and Claudius seemed to have won favor. For Hercules, who saw that his iron was in the fire, was running first here then there and was saying: "Don't grudge me, my cause is being driven; then if you want anything, I will do it in turn: hand washes hand."