Apocolocyntosis Sect. 4

She spoke and, turning thread on a foul spindle,

she broke off the regal thread of a lazy life.

But Lachesis, with hair tied and with hair adorned

crowning her hair and forehead with Pierian laurel,

took up bright yarn from snowy fleece

moderating with a happy hand, the string which having been led out

took up a new color. The sisters wondered at their allotments.

the cheap fleece changed into precious metal,

a golden age descended shapely string.

And there is no end to those: they led out happy wool

and rejoiced to fill their hands: the allotments were beautiful.

The work hastened on its own accord and with no labor

soft strings descended the bent spindle;

They conquered the years of Tithonus and of Nestor.

Phoebus is present and aids with song and delights for the future

and happy he moves his plectrum, now he administers the allotments:

He detains them, intent with his song, and deceives the labor.

And while they praise excessively the lyre and fraternal songs,

Their hands spun more than accustomed and their praiseworthy

work transcended human fates. "Don't take away anything, Fates,"

Phoebus said, "let that man conquer the times of mortal life

he who is similar in countenance and grace to me and

no lesser in song nor voice. He will set forth

a happy age for the tired and will break the silence of the laws.

As Lucifer scattering the fleeing stars or

as Hesperus rises with the stars returning,

as, when rosy Aurora first leads forth

the day with shadows released, the bright Sun

gazes at the world and shakes the first axles from the starting-gate:

such a Caesar is present, now Rome will see such a

Nero. His shining countenance burns with remiss splendor

and his shapely neck with hair flowing forth."

This said Apollo. But Lachesis, who even herself favored the shapeliest man, did this with a full hand and gave Nero many years from her own. They ordered everyone however concerning Claudius:

"to carry him out from the house rejoicing and speaking well."

And he certainly gurgled out his soul, and from that time to ceased to seem to live. He expired however while he heard comedians, as you should know that I am not without cause to fear them. This was heard among men as his final voice, when he emitted a greater sound from that part, from which he more easily spoke: "Dear me, I think I've thoroughly shat myself." Whether he did this, I do not know; he certainly thoroughly shat on everything.

Apocolocyntosis Sect. 3

Then Mercury, who always had been delighted by Claudius' nature, took aside one of the three Fates and said: "Why, oh cruelest woman, do you suffer this miserable man to be tortured? Will he never have rest having been tormented for so long? He is 64 years old, from which time he wrestles his soul. Why do you grudge him and the republic? Suffer astrologers to speak the truth sometimes, who have buried him every year and every month, from which time he was made emperor. And nevertheless it is no wonder if they are mistaken and no one knows his hour: for no one ever knew that he was born. Do what must be done:

"Give him to death, let a better man rule in the empty halls."

But Clotho said, "Mehercules! I was wanting to add a fraction of time to him, until he gives citizenship to those few who remain" (for he had decided to see all Greeks, Gauls, Spaniards, and Brits in a toga) "but since it is pleasing that some foreigners be left in seed and thus what you order to be done, let it be done." Then she opened up a capsule and bore forth three spindles: one was of Augurinus, another of Baba, the third of Claudius. "These three," she said, "I will order to die divided into small intervals of time in one year, and I will not send him away friendless. For he, who just now was seeing so many thousands of people following, so many preceding, so many pouring around, ought not be left alone suddenly. He will be content with these companions in the meantime.

Apocolocyntosis Sect. 2

Now Phoebus had bent his arch of light along the
shorter way and the time of Obscure Sleep was growing,
and now the conqueress Cynthia extended her reign,
and unsightly Winter snatched at those pleasing honors
of wealthy Autumn and with Bacchus ordered to grow old
the aged grape-harvester was plucking the sparse grapes.

I think more is understood if I should say: it was the month of October, three days before the Ides of October. I cannot tell you the exact hour (it will come easier among philosophers than among clocks) nevertheless it was between the sixth and seventh hour. "Excessive unsophistication! All poets, not content to describe the rising and setting of the sun, take pleasure so much in these things, that they also disturb the middle of the day: Will you thus pass by so great an hour?

Now Phoebus divided the globe down the middle in his chariot
and nearer to Night he was shaking the tired reins
leading out the bent light on a roundabout course:

Claudius began to gasp and could not find an exit.

FSI Language Courses

The famous US Foreign Service Institute has just recently released all their language learning materials for the general population's benefit. I highly advise that whoever comes across this go check it out as the materials are of fairly high quality and include a few lesser studied languages like Lao, Twi, etc.

Here's the link: http://fsi-language-courses.org/Content.php

Apocolocyntosis Sect. 1

What happened in the sky three days before the Ides of October in the new year, the beginning of a happiest age, I wish to hand over to memory. Nothing will not be given whether offensive or pleasing. Thus this is the truth. If anyone should have asked whence I know, first, if I shall not be willing, I will not respond. Who could compel me? I know that I have been made free, from the time that man met his final day, who made true the proverb: "You ought to be born either a king or a fool". If it will have pleased to respond, I will say what comes into my mouth. Who ever drove forth oaths from an historian? Nevertheless if it will have been necessary to produce the author, ask he who saw Drusilla going into the sky: he will say that he saw Claudius making the same journey "in not equal steps". Like it or not, it is necessary for that man to see everything which is driven into the sky: he is the caretaker of the Appian Way on which, you know, both the Divine Augustus and Tiberius Caesar went to the gods. If you will have asked this man, he will tell you alone: he will never make words in the presence of many. For from that time he swore in the senate that he had seen Drusilla ascending the sky and no one believed him what he saw in return for such good news, with conceived words he affirmed that he would not give indication even if he saw a man killed in the middle of the Forum. Those things which I heard from him then, I bring forth certainly and clearly, thus as I would have him safe and happy.

A Short Introduction to Seneca's Apocolocyntosis

Claudius Caesar was an enigmatic figure who was widely-known for his eccentricity, both mental and physical, and for being controlled by his wife, Agrippina, and by his freedmen. This semester in my Advanced Latin class we read the "Life of the Divine Claudius" by the historian Suetonius and are currently working our way through what is hesitantly called the "Apocolocyntosis" by Seneca. This work is satirical in nature and seems to be meant to praise Claudius' step-son Nero who succeeded the throne after Claudius died and his true son, Britannicus, was murdered.

Scholars have debated mainly about two major characteristics of the work: the title and the author. P. T. Eden who edited the Cambridge edition of the "Apocolocyntosis" [a play off the Greek word ἀποθέωσις (deification)] has dismissed the doubt of whether the work was composed by Seneca or not in a lengthy argument which I advise you to check out if you have the chance. Basically he says that through close analysis (and this guy is all about reading every word far too in-depth) the work must have been written by someone in the close circle of advisors of Nero and if not Seneca then someone else in the same circle. He says it doesn't really matter who wrote it but that recognizing that they were close to Nero is the important part. Concerning the title of the work, the "Pumpkinifciation" (to put it literally) scholars debate over the name since there is little if anything to do with pumpkins or gourds in the work at all, though several people have published articles analyzing certain words and scenes as being representative of a gourd-like Claudius.

The work itself is short being only divided into 15 sections of roughly 30 lines on average. The Latin itself is fairly easy though some colloquialisms creep in at points and the more "vulgar" vocabulary strays away from the more refined writings of other famous authors. There are many subjects parodied in this work from historians, to philosophers, and of course Claudius himself. I shall try and publish a fairly literal and as-accurate-as-possible translation of each section daily or biweekly at least. So hopefully someone will come by in time to see this.

As far as my plans for the future of this blog are concerned, I plan on publishing a translation (answer key) to the beginning Greek textbook I am using in my Elementary Greek class. It's an interesting book that has plenty of humour though I would not recommend it for self-study as the supplementary material is quite lacking. Aside from that, I may revise my Suetonius translation to complement the "Apocolocyntosis". And possibly something concerning Latin Composition, which I have been ardently struggling through this past semester to mixed results.