Then Mercury, who always had been delighted by Claudius' nature, took aside one of the three Fates and said: "Why, oh cruelest woman, do you suffer this miserable man to be tortured? Will he never have rest having been tormented for so long? He is 64 years old, from which time he wrestles his soul. Why do you grudge him and the republic? Suffer astrologers to speak the truth sometimes, who have buried him every year and every month, from which time he was made emperor. And nevertheless it is no wonder if they are mistaken and no one knows his hour: for no one ever knew that he was born. Do what must be done:
"Give him to death, let a better man rule in the empty halls."
But Clotho said, "Mehercules! I was wanting to add a fraction of time to him, until he gives citizenship to those few who remain" (for he had decided to see all Greeks, Gauls, Spaniards, and Brits in a toga) "but since it is pleasing that some foreigners be left in seed and thus what you order to be done, let it be done." Then she opened up a capsule and bore forth three spindles: one was of Augurinus, another of Baba, the third of Claudius. "These three," she said, "I will order to die divided into small intervals of time in one year, and I will not send him away friendless. For he, who just now was seeing so many thousands of people following, so many preceding, so many pouring around, ought not be left alone suddenly. He will be content with these companions in the meantime.
Astrologers (lit. Mathematicians) were notorious for their inaccurate predictions and were also legally forbidden from making any predictions concerning the life of the emperor. They clearly gave no heed to this with Claudius as apparently they placed him dead almost daily.
ReplyDeleteThe remark about no one knowing that he was born seems to be some sort of rude joke among the Romans. It is unclear what exactly the 'joke' of it is, though one could assume that it means that your life is so worthless and uneventful and that your personality is so unspectacular that no one knows you exist (a similar insult is used today).
As far as the names of the people to die with Claudius go, they seem to be made up. Suetonius does mention in his Life of Claudius that many magistrates near Claudius died in the months leading to his assassination, though none are named. The joke here seems to be an allusion to a nursery-like song for learning the alphabet by having a word for each letter.